Thursday, August 6, 2009

Positive & Negative

posandnegSometimes, I swear I am loosing my mind!! I am a positive person, I really am, but sometimes I can have the most negative thoughts, and it scares me. I know exactly what I want to do, and there is this smaller fragment of my mind that tries to lure me in other directions. What is up with that?? Am I the only one that suffers from this? Hmph! Well, that little negative chick inside my head has got to go! I’ve come to realize that the only person that can detour my plans, and even my way of thinking is myself. I’m not even going to front, I think very highly of myself. Why shouldn’t I? I love my skin, my hair, my body, my eyes, my lips, and my smile. There are things that I want to change about myself such as my weight, but that will occur overtime. Until that happens, I simply refuse to bash myself.  My current situation has really had an impact on my positivity. I don’t have a real job, and I’m always without money!! It is really really REALLY frustrating! I can’t do the things that I want to anymore. I can’t just up and go to the movies, or buy something that I want anymore. It has almost been a year since I quit the depot, and I’m not even going to lie, I miss the money. If they called me offered me another job or something, would I accept it?

NO! Money is the root of all evil! I’m in school, yes I am broke, but I am in school. In 2012 when I graduate from college I will be able to enter into my chosen career. If I would have stayed at the depot, in 2012 I would still be there getting paid by the hour. I don’t want that. I know that I don’t. It has just been a tough adjustment. I was going to stick with the depots plan. Go to school, then become a diesel mechanic, but that's just not what I want to do. I went from having a steady paycheck, to going from job to job, and now I have a job that I don’t get any hours. There is a glimmer of regret, but that glimmer is over powered by the feeling that I am on the right path.

Hopefully everything will work out right, and I will be at The University of Alabama in January like I have planned.  I’m trying to remain positive, and shoot these negative thoughts to the curb. What can I say? I’m just a college student!! lol. I know I went in a million directions with this one, but just something's that have been on the brain.

No comments: